Spider Mama
by stephyswan
Summary: She didn't think she could feel that way about anyone ever again.


**ok so I'm back on the Avengers train after seeing Endgame and I'm been reading a lot of widow spiderman fics and I'm kinda salty I didn't realize the whole they both have spider names thing sooner. anyways here's a one shot...**

**after endgame but Nat is still alive cause Steve brought her back**

...

He'd been mourning for weeks. He didn't have it in him to force himself to eat despite his crazy metabolism and he wasn't able to focus on much of anything let alone schoolwork or spidermanning.

He'd been avoiding the calls from Happy and from the other Avengers that had all tried to offer him a shoulder to cry on, even Cap in his old age.

May tried to get him to come out of his room, to talk to someone, anyone, and eat, but she was unsuccessful in her attempts.

He didn't want to feel this way. It was a feeling he'd felt too often in his life. First, when his parents died. Then his uncle. And now the man who had felt like his father.

The feeling ate at his insides.

The feeling of being alone.

Pepper said he was always always welcome in their home. She spent a lot of time in her office with the door closed. Peter knew a little too well what that was like.

He'd seen the little girl running around every time he went to go hang out in his favorite spot in the tower, Tony's lab. He would go there sometimes, and school, and home. She looked so much like him. On a rare occasion, she stuck her head in, whispering "Daddy?" Peter placed himself on the roof and stayed there until the tears stopped, undetected by the little girl on the ground.

It was a couple of months after Tony died that May was calling Pepper because Peter was simply absent. If he came home, he was blank-faced and went to bed. Sometimes it was 3 or 4 in the morning. He wasn't even being Spiderman he was just at Tony's. Most nights he fell asleep in the lab.

Pepper tried to get him to come out. "Please Peter." she said, "you have to let someone in. You have to talk to someone about how you're feeling. It doesn't have to be me, it could be May or any one of the Avengers. They all care. They'll listen to you. You're one of them."

Nat quietly appeared behind Pepper. "Still nothing, huh?"

"No. I don't know what to do to get him to open up." Pepper leaned against the wall in defeat.

Nat didn't know why she found herself getting closer to the door. She could never have kids; she figured any interacting with kids would be Clint's and now Morgan. She was just Aunt Nat. It was all she got, and she would take it.

For being sterile and single, three kids with no commitment were not the worst thing that could have happened.

"Kid." She started. "You gotta get out of there and eat something. Talk to someone. Get some sunlight."

Radio silence.

"I miss him too. He was pretty annoying and egocentric most of the time, but he was a hero. He made the Ultimate Sacrifice. And he made it for you. He wasn't even going to go back until he realized he could save you. He wouldn't want you eating yourself alive over him."

She let out a breath. She couldn't believe she was about to say this. "Tony, he, uh, pulled me aside once. After the airport fight. He told me that you were the future face of the Avengers. I had told him you were way too young to have that kind of responsibility, even though you were good, you just weren't ready." One more breath. "And he told me that since you were Spiderman and I was Black Widow, that I was your Spidermama and I had to teach you and be there for you. I really wanted to wack him over the head-"

Natasha didn't hear the footsteps or the door until this pale skinny kid from Queens was standing in front of her, tears streaming down his face.

"Can I hug you, mama spider?"

Nat found herself nodding and the kid threw himself at her, clinging on for dear life. She didn't know why she said anything of those things. She'd forgotten about that conversation until she was standing at the door and remembered how much the kid and Tony had meant to each other. It was true, he had said it, but Nat wasn't the mama type.

Peter clung on. Nat holding him up, letting him sob unshed Tony tears.

Okay, maybe she was, just a little.

She let him cling there for a few minutes before clearing her throat. "Kid, you gotta eat something."

He continued sobbing.

"Okay." She attempted to drag him in the direction of where the pizza was, but he was _clung _onto her.

"Kid." She snapped but instantly regretted it. The look of pain on his face was enough to melt the slight irritation towards the kid. How she could even say that to him?

She didn't think she was even remotely capable of caring for a kid, let alone actually loving them. She assumed her training and everything that came with it had ruined any and all opportunity she had of being a parent or having to do anything other than be Aunt Nat. And she loved those kids, she did, but not really.

And at that moment, she realized she still had the capacity to love, especially this little spider.

He was so brave. To go out there and fight even though he was terrified, even though he wasn't trained, not really, he was talented.

"тихий паук," she whispered to him. "все будет хорошо."

"I just miss him so much." He muttered into Nat's shoulder.

"I miss him too," Nat responded. She pushed him away slightly, just enough so that he had to make eye contact with her. "But he wouldn't want you doing this to yourself. He would want you to take care of yourself. And don't try to argue with me."

Peter chuckled smally, blotchy tears all over his cheeks. "Whatever you say, mama spider."


End file.
